“BITCHES GUIDE TO THE LOWER EAST SIDE”

HOWL Festival, 2010

…Theater 80, 80 Saint Marks Place

Tickets $7, September 8th, 8pm

Starring Jennifer Blowdryer, Anne Hanavan, and Shecky Beagleman performing her patented Crack Dance. A Gossip Panel will accompany a display of slides by LES Sharp Shooter Jean-Paul Niko.

One New Year’s Eve at the Plaza’s classic Oak Room Jennifer Blowdryer was feeling inordinately out of place, so her and her bitchy friend Gerry Visco started brainstorming on hack writing projects in order to pay their collective rents. Instead, Blowdryer ended up writing up a typically jarring and uncommercial Bitches Guide to the Lower East Side, covering such wide-ranging topics as bed bugs, gleaning, and Couch Creatures.

Jennifer Blowdryer has lived in the EV since 1987. It all started because her bag lady grandmother spent 45 years or so living on 2nd street and Ave B, 11th Street and Ave D, and out and about at the well-stocked food pantries of yesteryear. JB got a cheap apartment and the rest is subsistence level survival history! While here, she’s preformed too many times to count, recall, or enumerate, and written for New York Press, Maximum Rock n’ Roll, and had a few books published by various Indy presses, from White Trash Debutante (Galhattan, NY) to Good Advice for Young Trendy People of All Ages (Manic D Press, SF). She lives on 2nd Street between Avenues A & B and hopes that the landlord of Nicky’s Vietnamese, across the street, doesn’t keep dicking them around about the rent so they can stay.

Excerpt of Bitches Guide:

Couch Creatures: Unless you’ve been here a really really really long time, you got couch creatures. Not bed bugs, people. Since I moved to the LES, if 10th Street between Avenues C & D can truly be called that, I’ve had the father from a family folk act, the current administrator of ABC No Rio, the former musical director of The Living Theater, a cranked out TV commercial camera man, a stylish former friend who’s now a Wardrobe or Costume person in Los Angeles, one girl who got married and divorced and one woman who got dead. At some point, we all hated each other with equal fervor. The most unbelievable part of all of this is that I actually once had a couch. A couple of them. One was velour type, one was brown leatherette. “Ouch, it sticks to your skin like a band aid!” one queen said during the summer. We’d hired gay movers to bring it into my place, the ad said “Gay or Straight, Don’t Hesitate!” and that was too good to pass up.

NYU Students: There are a lot of them. They pay a lot to go there. To improve their group character, the opposite of a safety orientation would go far. Do NOT hang out in large packs, TAKE RISKS that don’t involve tired drinking games, and above all remember, nobody really likes you. If you have ANY MONEY AT ALL display it at ALL TIMES, this is a good way to meet locals.

Appearing with her will be Shecky Beagleman, doing her historic Crack Dance, and Ann Hanavan, who will fill everybody in on the drug bodegas of yore. Photographer Jean-Paul Niko will project the LES photos he’s been compulsively shooting of these once mean streets and the people who love them.

Bios. . .

Anne Hanavan moved to NYC in 1985. She started off striping at the Pussy Cat Lounge, did a few stints in some Brothels, and because of major dysfunction brought on by a huge heroin habit, she hit the strolls of the lower east side and stayed there for just under a decade. After kicking the habit 11 years ago Anne started making experimental sexually explicit videos were the artist aggressively confronts her past. Hanavan continues to take steps towards self absolution by writing were she takes the reader inside her head to see, from her perspective, her experiences of street walking, tricking, rape, robberies, jail, and the many people she interacted with along the way.

Jean-Paul Niko, International chess champion at eighteen years old, junkie, street hustler, and ex-con by twenty-two, Jean-Paul Nikó was born in Munich, Germany but grew up on the streets of New York City, leaving home when he was fourteen years old to travel the world and build an empire. Somewhere along the way, he picked up a camera.

Shecky beagleman has been around the neighborhood for a dog’s age. Well, longer than, say, your average boxer lives. She’s a scarily precise physical comedian who will be sure to spark horrified nods of recognition as she reenacts her famous Crack Dance for Jennifer Blowdryer’s Bitches Guide to the LES.

Angelamuto.com
Sheckybeagleman.com

Some Reviews. . .

Shecky Beagleman (“I’m staying at the Tempura Women’s Shelter…for lightly battered women”) is without a doubt one of the most self-styled and outrageous funny gals out there. You gotta catch her—and wait till you see her impression of a “seeded bagel”!Jed Ryan—PM Entertainment Online, “What Jed Said!”

“…The wonderfully wacked-out and hilarious, Miss Shecky Beagleman…” Tom Murrin—Paper Magazine
“Schlockmeistress Beagleman herself suggests a somewhat more eroticized Woody Allen. (pause) I’m serious.” John Michael Koroly—WVOX AM

“…that Imogene Coca of the new millennium, Shecky Beagleman. As well as respecting her talent for offbeat characters and her storytelling chops, I’ve always admired how this comedienne finds ways to generate work and stage time for other comics.”[Soft Amelia David—Back Stage

“Shecky Beagleman’s elderly Jewish man character is always a treat to watch.” Amelia David—Back Stage

“Shecky Beagleman, writer and performer from USA’S “UP ALL NIGHT.” The next Imogene Coca, she’d make a great wacky Character on some sitcom.” Amelia David—Back Stage

“I don’t laugh at many comics, as I am a comic and we try not to find others funny, but Shecky kills me!”Michele Balan—Comic and fan of Shecky

Date: August 1, 2010, 7pm

Place: Bluestockings Books

Worker-Owned Bookstore,  Fair-Trade Café,  Activist Center
172 Allen St.   New York, NY
www.bluestockings.com
212 777 6028

Punk Rock Saved My Ass

with Jennifer Blowdryer, Matthue Roth and guests

A reading to support the book: http://www.amazon.com/Punk-Rock-Saved-My-Ass/dp/0979715261

PRSMA is an anthology of true transformative punk rock tales published by
Medusa’s Muse, edited by Terena Scott and Jane MacKay. Its a world wide
collaboration of authors influenced by the cultural storm called ‘punk
rock’. For some it was a shelter from youthful angst, an artistic outlet, or
a way to rage, but all agree that it changed their lives forever. The
writers are libertarians, socialits, bakers, computer geeks, nures, writers,
musicians, teachers, and parents, from the US and Europe. One dollar of
every book will support the 924 Gilman Street Project in Berkeley,
California.
“I wanted to create a book that would show the positive side of punk,” says
Termena Scott, editor and publisher “I was tired of all the sensational,
self destructive stories about punks. Punk is a passionate, creative,
outrageous energy and if you channel it you can create and achieve amazing
things. I knew there had to be people out there whose lives had been
positively changed by the punk movement and I wanted to talk to them.” It’s
not just a romantic manifesto. “There’s definitely a dark side. People get
hurt, and there’s a lot of durg use. But that isn’t the whole storys, and i
wanted to show the bigger picture.”
Performer Bio:
Jennifer Blowdryer sang in a punk band called The Blowdryers in San
Francisco, in 1979. She wrote the title essay, Punk Rock Saved My Ass, and
was frustrated by outsiders documenting something that was a good, jarring,
screamy and funny time for her. She put together a slang dictionary, Modern
English, in 1984 to try and make up for the gap created by humor-free
documentation of kick ass punk rock and life among the down, out, and
addled. Her most recent books are “Good Advice for Young Trendy People of
all Ages”, “The Laziest Secretary in the World”, and White Trash Debutante.
She co-publishes the East Village Comix Sampler, a zine, with Sarah Perry-
Stout, and supplies Blue Stockings with about 4 copies at a time. She’s
currently working on The 86ed Project, footage of those who’ve been
unceremonisously kicked out on their ass (see blog.jenniferblowdryer.com,
86ed stories), and The Bitches Guide to the Lower East Side”, a primer she
hopes to preform at Theater 80 during the Howl Fest in September.

Organizer contact info: Jennifer Blowdryer, 646 331 9263,
blowdryer.media@gmail.com.

Bowery Books Presents:

Bowery Women Poets

Third Anniversary Reading

March 28   4 – 6 pm
Admission $7 or Free with Book Purchase
Bowery Poetry Club & Cafe

27 Poets!! No Waiting!!!

A reading to celebrate the third anniversary of Bowery Women, a diverse group of poets whose nexus is the Bowery Poetry Club in NYC, and whose signature poems were anthologized in the cult favorite Bowery Women:  Poems.  Poetic worlds that are usually discrete will intersect in this exciting event, in which many poets will share new work.  Among those featured will be:

Amy Ouzoonian
Cheryl Boyce Taylor
Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz
Cynthia Kraman
Deanna Zandt
Diane O’Debra
Fay Chiang
Jackie Sheeler
Janet Hamill
Janice Erlbaum
Jennifer Blowdryer
Kristin Prevallet
Lee Ann Brown
Lynne Procope
Marjorie Tesser
maryreilly
Melissa Goodrum
Nancy Mercado
Patricia Spears Jones
Rachel Levitsky
Rachel McKibbens
Sarah Herrington
Seren Divine Brevigleiri
Tanya  O’Debra
Tara Betts
Tsaurah Litzky
Vicki Hudspith

Bowery Poetry Club & Cafe
308 Bowery  New York, NY 10012
(Between Houston and Bleecker)
F train to 2nd Ave, 6 to Bleecker
212-614-0505

Bowery Books is partially funded by the National Endowment for the Arts and the New York State Council on the Arts.

The 86ed Project+Smut Fest Shorts

Fuck-ups, losers, drunks + dopers-out on their ass!
Sex poets, strippers, homo-go-go boys+creepy erotica

Screens at Oddball Films

.

Event: “86ed”+Smut Fest Clips, a screening of footage recorded for the 86ed Project and clips from the infamous Smut Fest erotic stage shows with NYC author (“Modern English”, ”The Laziest Secretary in the World”). “The 86d Project” is Jennifer Blowdryer’s hilariously absurd documentation of New York City club/bar/event goers/hipsters/drunkards and dope addicts who have been unceremoniously kicked out on their ass, banned, or imprisoned. Featured 86d participants the infamous Rev. (“The Church of Stop Shopping”) Billy, famed Church of the Subgenius wacko Janor Hypercleets and a live guest appearance by SF unreformed thief August Bleed. Also featured will be highlights from “Smut Fest”, Blowdryer’s featuring footage from Smut Fest: The Horror, Smut Fest West and performers such as Philip Ford as Liberace, sex poet Kathleen Wood, the England’s Minx Grille, San Francisco’s infamous Popstitutes and much more!

Date: Friday, February 26 at 10PM
Venue: Oddball Films, 276 Capp St, San Francisco, CA 94110
Admission: $10.00 at the Door FOB discounts $7.00 with RSVP only.
Info+Reservations: Limited Seating RSVP Only to info@oddballfilm.com or 415-558-8117
Web: http://www.oddballfilm.com/oddballftp/86d_Smut.pdf
Contact: Stephen Parr at 1info@oddballfilm.com

Kiss Yer Ass Goodbye

On Friday, February 20, 2010 at 10PM NYC author Jennifer Blowdryer (“Modern English”, “The Laziest Secretary in the World”) will present footage from her “86ed Project” as well as rare Smut Fest clips from her nearly 20 year archive of live erotic boho cabaret. The event will take place at 10PM at Oddball Films, 275 Capp Street in San Francisco. Admission is $10.00 by RSVP (Limited seating) to” info @oddballfilm.com or 415-558-8117.

Special FOB (Friends of Blowdryer) tickets with password and RSVP.
For 4 years Blowdryer has been documenting those unfortunate enough to have been unceremoniously kicked out on their ass, banned, or imprisoned due to their behavior in bars, nightclubs, events and other places. Part raw street poetics mixed with equal parts social satire these interviews showcase the more “marginal” members of our mass culture in a way “reality” docs don’t-what you see is what you get-period.
This is not an activist project, and most viewers will agree that most of these misfits deserved the treatment they received. Thrill to her crude talking head interviews, mostly conducted using a cheapass camcorder from Radio Shack. The evening will include: 86ed footage, Blowdryer reading from transcripts of manic depressive scofflaws including the infamous Rev. (“The Church of Stop Shopping”) Billy, famed Church of the Subgenius wacko Janor Hypercleets and a live guest appearance by SF unreformed thief August Bleed, author of “The Art of the Boost” ( a manifesto of “merchandise liberation” featuring techniques such as “distraction”, “the point of purchase” and the five finger asana”) is a poet and miscreant with a lurid, in your face take on society in general. For a sound clip visit: http://www.dublit.com/node/596

Also featured will be highlights from “Smut Fest”, Blowdryer’s infamous featuring footage from Smut Fest: The Horror, Smut Fest West and performers such as Philip Ford as Liberace, sex poet Kathleen Wood, England’s Minx Grille, San Francisco’s infamous Popstitutes and much more!

The History of Smut Fest

Jennifer Blowdryer started producing and performing in Smut Fests in 1988 in Pre Giuliani NYC, when swamp like lap dancing parlors littered the island like cigarette burns on a hospital robe. Although she will never again get Tracy Love, the 212-970-PEEE girl, to parade naked down a dimly lit runway, (especially since Tracy has now found the Lord and lives in Michigan somewhere) she continues to produce events showcasing the talents of sex workers, piss-poor poets, transgendered performance artists and other earthlings on the edge.
The first San Francisco Smut Fest (Smut Fest West) was in produced for Blowdryer by Stephen Parr in 1991 at the DNA Lounge. Blowdryer continues to produce dozens of others in NYC and elsewhere featuring a cast of international weirdos, trannys and literary lepers, both brilliant and bizarre.

Jennifer Blowdryer

Jennifer Blowdryer left Rhode Island at the age of 15, taking Amtrak to San Francisco and gettin’ her wallet stolen by a lothario in the quiet car, leaving her with no seed money. She started the non seminal punk band The Blowdryers in 1978, went to school after school, thriving in classes which met later in the afternoon, moved to NYC in 1985 rather than fighting over a party band and a couple of songs into late middle age, and has written umpteen books which are available at wildly varying prices at ABE, Amazon, and Alibris, for eternity. Her play, White Trash Debutante, has been staged at Theater Rhino in SF and the Bowery Poetry Club in NY, she’s staged Smut Fests in Hamburg, SF, Chicago, Baltimore, and of course NYC, and jams with a beautiful small woman of a certain age when at home in the East Village. Her current goal is to be included in 30 anthologies with original essays and poetry, which she can then chop up and scan to form a complete volume. Well, that’s one of her goals.

Upcoming Programs at Oddball Films

Fri Feb 19- “Kooks, Eccentrics+Oddballs”
Sat Feb 20- “Strange Sinema”
Thurs Feb 25-“An Ubu Moment” With OtherFilm Live From Australia
Fri Feb 26- Two Programs: “As Seen on TV” and “The 86’d Project”+ Smut Fest Clips With Jennifer Blowdryer from NYC
Sat Feb 27- Portland Curator Dennis Nyback’s “Terrorism Light and Dark” and “I Know Why You’re Afraid”

About Oddball Films

Oddball films is the film component of Oddball Film+Video, a stock footage company providing offbeat and unusual film footage for feature films, documentaries, television, music videos and web projects around the world. Our films are almost exclusively drawn from our collection of over 50,000 16mm prints of animation, commercials, educationals, feature films, movie trailers, medical, industrial military, news out-takes and every genre in between. We’re actively working to present rarely screened genres of cinema as well as avant-garde and ethno-cultural documentaries, which expand the boundaries of cinema. Oddball Films is the largest film archive in Northern California and one of the most unusual private collections in the US. We invite you to join us in our weekly offerings of offbeat cinema.

Midwinter Madness Reading

San Francisco -  Thursday, January 28, 2010 @ 7pm

Dog Eared Books

900 Valencia @ 20th, SF

Free

http://www.dogearedbooks.com/dogeared/events.php

Hey y’all, come on down to Dog Eared Books for a night of downhome polymorphous perversity (in a literary context of course). We’re presenting a fab foursome of readers – Ron Palmer, Larry Rinder, Jennifer Blowdryer, and Alvin Orloff – as well as a musical interlude with Tony Vaguely. It’s free and guaranteed to be more fun than a barrel full of monkeys!

Larry Rinder is the director of the Berkeley Art Museum and Pacific Film Archive. His novel, Revenge of the Decorated Pigs, was recently published by Jank Editions and is available on-demand from publicationstudio.biz. He lives and works in Berkeley, San Francisco, Ukiah, and Portland.

Ron Palmer is the author of Logicalogics (Soft Skull) and his website is www.logicalogics.com.
His new porn thriller is Prick Queasy: the story of Russ Wade, a swaggering performance artist haunted by 20th century drowned poet Hart Crane who inspires him to murder the closet cases he meets in parks, on the Internet and in boxing class.

Jennifer Blowdryer has been described, variously, as a saint and one of the worst things to happen in the 90s. Go Figure. She’s currently hard at work on a bitchy guide to the Lower East Side, her 86ed project, and perfecting the art of the Spoken Word. blog.jenniferblowdryer.com

Alvin Orloff is a San Francisco novelist devoted to chronicling the lives of people so absurd and inconsequential they don’t even qualify as downtrodden. When not writing in his squalid flat, he manages the world’s foremost literary emporium, Dog Eared Books.

Tony Vaguely, best known as the founder and director of San Francisco’s famed Sick & Twisted Players, is also an accomplished musician, and will be favoring the public on the night in question with his original music.

Wednesday, January 20th:

Virgin Territory: There’s a First Time for Everything!

When: Wednesday, January 20th  Doors open at 7 p.m., Stories start at 8 p.m.
What: True dirty stories. Oh, & Unicorns.

How much: $10.00 at the door

Where: 2565 Mission Street San Francisco, CA 94110-2511 thebluemacawsf.com (formerly 12 Galaxies)
Why: Because it feels like the very first time, doncha think?

Plus: We’ll be drawing the winners in our ‘Date with a Unicorn’ raffle!

I have a feeling that anything is possible in 2010. Maybe it’s all the new talent that’s been approaching me to tell stories at Bawdy, or maybe it’s that I get to start my year by raffling my hot friends off to you…call me an optimist, but things already look promising.
This year’s first Bawdy Storytelling theme, ‘Virgin Territory’, showcases all sorts of first times. Do you remember the first time you encountered sex? Storyteller Kate Kotler does. Remember your fresh-from-the-nest plans to meet and bed the perfect lesbian? Ames Beezer does. Remember your first porno film? Jennifer Blowdryer does. Oh, and that time you tried to sell your virginity to your boss? Johnny FunCheap does. That first Grope-a-Clown box encounter? Yep…Froghole the Clown remembers it, too.
All these memories and more, plus it’s finally here: the Unicorn Raffle! Paypal may call it ’selling escort services’, but we beg to differ (Really. This is all in fun, and Bawdy’s innocent little fundraiser is just that, and nothing more). Can you picture it? You, a glass of wine, and that iconic creature that fantasies are made of, the Unicorn. There are a total of 12 Unicorns in our raffle (two of the prizes are double dates: TWO Unicorns for you, the lucky ticketholder!) for a total of 10 chances to win. Which of these hotties will be entertaining you with juicy tales of sexy single adventures?  Show up Wednesday night and find out!

‘Virgin’ storytellers:
Jennifer Blowdryer
Jennifer Blowdryer is a stand up gal who admires same. She’s written many books, from Modern English: A Photo Illustrated Slang Dictionary, to The Laziest Secretary in the World, and most recently, Good Advice for Young Trendy People of all Ages. Currently she’s collecting 86ed interviews and airing them on her blog, at blog.jenniferblowdryer.com, and www.86edstories.com. The woman has way too many clothes!

Johnny FunCheap
Although born and raised in Los Angeles, Johnny Funcheap is now a local graphic designer and writer having called San Francisco home since 2001. His popular blog, www.funcheapSF.com, uncovers and shares a curated recommendation list of upwards of 50 cheap, fun and unique Bay Area events and experiences each week which was called “one of the most comprehensive places online to find cheap and free things to do in the Bay Area” by CBS 5’s “Eye on Blogs”. Johnny has been featured in the SFGate, SFist, the San Francisco Examiner and Frommer’s Guide to San Francisco, as well as being a regular contributor on radio with KGO and KQED and in print with the San Francisco Bay Guardian.

This is Johnny’s first Bawdy Storytelling event where he will recall how he thought his first sexual experience was going be all about love, and instead, it turned out to be all about the money.
——-
Kate Kotler
By night, Kate Kotler, aka “Adorkable Grrl,” is the founder of Geek Girl on the Street, a new geeky storytelling website.  By day, she is a freelance journalist and marketing hack-for-hire from Oakland, California.  Kate writes the Women to Watch column for BitchBuzz and the DIY Diva column for Brokeass Stuart’s Goddamn Website.  She contributes regularly in other capacities to both those publications and to Fray: A Quarterly of True Stories and RealMental.org.  Kate is also a paid contributor to eHow, Decision.com and Answerbag.
@adorkablegrrl | katekotler.com

Froghole the Clown

Froghole the clown was born on a drug fueled, dust filled camp out, two years ago. He enjoys the flapping of the unflappable and to this end will take his rubber chicken to the ends of the surreal.  A (partial) theatre arts major has helped tune this clown to telling various tales of insanity and depravity.  Known as the preeminent memorial goat portrait artist in the Greater United States, Froghole also shows aptitude for drawing clowns where none previously existed at such events as Nudeaid and The Imaginary Circus that exists only in his brain

Jonathan Korman
Jonathan Korman is returning to Bawdy with his first new story since our very first event. He’s just another urbane and wicked San Franciscan. You know the drill: cufflinks, gym membership, esoteric job, downtown apartment, lots of weird books, no TV, and interested in motorcycles, movies, interaction design, feminist theory, urban planning, natural philosophy, hermetic philosophy, cocktail recipes, haberdashery, and other forms of occult knowledge.

Ames Beezer
aka Beezy, Sleezy Beez, BEEZ NUTS
Beezer was born with a baby’s head in Detroit, Michigan, but she spent enough years living in enough cities of Pennsylvania that she probably owes them a commemorative Keystone State tattoo of some kind.  She’s been known to start bawdy rumors about herself just so she can walk into parties and overhear the whispers…   “so she’s the reason the running back is on the injured players roster this week!!!”  Beezer loves pie; hates cake.  Also, she excels at accidental nudity (the motorcycle did it) and 4 Square.